Risotto For Dumkopfs

After a week of traveling and eating lots of gas station food I was ready to get back into cooking. In Europe's defense....they have some wonderful tricks of the traveling trade to share with us Americans. Witness the cold pasta/pollo salad:

Yes beloveds, that is a hard-boiled egg in there. This was a yummy refreshing change of pace from your run- of- the- mill fast food nachos and cheese sauce from your local 7-11. Even though in Germany you could get a foot-long hot dog coiled up in a cloudy billious tankard of salty liquid for those who need those sorts of nitrates. But you could still buy a delicious fresh-baked pretzel.

 So even though I was subservient to my one bs (one burner stove) in the apartment I was I excited to cook up something different.

I'd made a yummy salad I'd found on Pinterest

and then later thought I would probably end up eating the whole darn thing because it was DELICIOUS! So I scrambled back to the market and impulsively found a mix for risotto. Not another frozen pizza this week...please! Yes they are yummy but gah! Enough is enough!

Here's my instructions for cooking risotto: First go on-line and click on your fave Spanish/English translation and determine what chorrito means. (Hint: It translates to 'splash'). So go back to your risotto mix and start following the directions you CAN understand. Then it goes something like this....

add more stock
add a little bit more stock
then some more
oh wow some  more (screw that 'chorrito'!)

then you
stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir

and you realize that the flimsy pot the apartment provided will skidder off  the burner if you stir too aggressively so put down your Vogue Espana magazine and focus, woman!

stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir


Switch arms since now your flabby forearms are starting to tingle from the pint-sized spoon the apartment has provided you with.


stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir


Eventually you will hope to end up with someone like this. As if this is even close to what risotto is SUPPOSED to look like. All my years of watching Top Chef and hearing of how the risotto was too runny or too crunchy or too starchy...whatever. I think it turned out fine, and will gladly eat my fair share. Looking at this picture I judge it be too dry. It's really just the lighting y'all. It's moist enough.

Didn't have any Parmesan cheese. Padma would be ticked. ;) Made just have to drape a nice slice of Emmental cheese over the top there :)

Bueno Appetito! :P

PS Julia Child I hope you will find it your heart to forgive me.  <3