Brokenness

It's been an interesting week.
It started with Tuesday and the advent of Doe's surgical repair on her clavicle. Seven screws and an 8 in. incision later she is on the mend. She has been able to raise her arm to over her head, which was a huge improvement to her prior flexibility and movement. That consisted of two broken bone ends bashing into each other.

(Sorry to the squeamish)

Six vertical screws and one horizontal screw which attached the two broken  ends together so pretty

We of course were more nervous than the patient. 

Meanwhile Doe was getting all marked up

 Dr H was in a word awesome. Hard to give over your child to a surgeon who is nearly a decade younger than you, but he was so very good with our girl.

Doe feeling no pain. I love this picture.

Doe is trying to give us a thumbs up; hard to do after having the nerve block having been administered. 

 The waiting went as well as possible with a Starbucks mocha (which has as many calories as a Big Mac). But I burned through those calories swiftly, whipping through pages of the Bon Appetit magazines scattered about. I also chatted at length with a pretty blonde woman whose boyfriend was also in surgery for a torn ACL.

He was quite the topic of discussion among Doe and ourselves. Not knowing anything about him except his massive breadth of form, and his bright green short athletic shorts, we automatically assumed he was some sort of athlete. I guessed wrestler and I was right ;). She chattered nervously about his career as a wrestler, how he enjoyed wrestling, and how much he now loved coaching the sport he grew up playing. She also made jokes about his shorts, which were hysterical. She said something to the affect of "He takes pride in the size of his thighs" and we had a good guffaw at his expense.

There is some mathematical equation that pertains to medical procedures though.  After the prescribed hour the nerves start traveling up into your neck and your stomach, and you start to feel nauseous. Dr H came out at 1hr 15 minutes wearing his white rubber surgical boots, which look like the type fishmongers wear. I was tempted to ask if the blood on his boots was from my child, but then decided I didn't. really. need. to know. He emailed us pictures and we were able to see her about 15 minutes later. When we walked back into recovery her eyes were half-closed and she looked desiccated and incredibly tired. I was glad to have her come home with us that night.

The first night was difficult, and we are forever grateful for our friends who took Tank and Bumpo for us so we could focus on Doe. She slept fitfully and then woke up crying. That was rough. But each day has gotten consistently better, and as I write she is standing on the couch in the basement using both hands playing Mario Kart with Tank. Life is good.

Doe has shown an incredible inner strength throughout this ordeal. This has not been the easiest past few months for her, with some heartache and betrayal. The majority of this occurring while Doe has been injured. I think anyone who would take advantage of a person who's injured is a special kind of 'unwell'---but that is just my humble assessment as a mother.

As the saying goes, "Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9". It is not for us to know. We just thank God for the experience of knowing these people, and move along.

I have a friend, Turtle, who I totally rely on and confide in. She is my soundingboard and I thank God for her. Here is what I shared regarding this newest drama:  I won't pry, but if prompted i am going to offer the following advice:

The more you demand them to be aware of your feelings and their completely selfish behavior, the more energy and power you give to their acts. You continue to feed that monster that has hurt you, when in reality the monster is nothing. The monster is actually a gift, a beautiful fluffy beast that is offering you the gift of insight. Growth. Wisdom. Humility. Compassion. You have open eyes and while the pain is real, it is a lesson in finding your own self-worth. You thank the monster for the gift.

I think that is a brave foundation to build from. 

But as the Lord was working on her broken body, he was also transforming her heart. While understandably hurt Doe is moving on. She sees these two as being separate from what defines her, as separate as the broken bones in her shoulder. She trusts that the Lord is going to work on her brokenness in her heart as Dr H so skillfully mended the broken bones in her body. And I sit near tears next to her in church as she scribbles furiously notes on humility and gentleness, which was the sermon of the day.

And while we are called to think of ourselves less, I cannot help to think of my daughter more. And while we are called to humility, I cannot help but take pride in the ownership that Christ has taken over my child. Because I know I can take no pride in it whatsoever. Circumstances which would crush a weaker young woman are molding her into a beautiful young woman. And like the bones grows stronger at the point of regrowth, we know that from this point in her young life Doe is a stronger person. We are comforted in the knowledge  that God is creating a new thing in her.